December 10th, 2012

stitchhat

The roommate made me a roommate agreement! We <3 the Big Bang Theory

The Roommate Agreement


All persons occupying our house in Port Haywood, Virginia, will agree to the following terms and conditions. Any additions, deletions, or modifications of said document are to be taken before a committee of no less than three mutual friends, and tie breakers shall be determined by a coin toss.
Clauses and Conditions:
1. SKYNET CLAUSE: Lessee agrees to assist Lessor in destroying any artificial intelligence created by the Lessor that is taking over the Earth.
2. BODY SNATCHERS CLAUSE: Lessee agrees to assist Lessor in destroying someone whom they know has been replaced by an alien pod.
3. GODZILLA CLAUSE: Lessee agrees to assist Lessor in destroying a monster that has destroyed Tokyo.
4. SUPERPOWERS CLAUSE: Lessee agrees to name the Lessor his/her sidekick if the Lessee obtains superpower(s).
5. ZOMBIE CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that if the Lessor turns into a zombie, that (s)he will not kill the Lessor.
6. CERN CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that if (s)he will be visiting CERN, that (s)he will bring along the Lessor.
7. FRIENDSHIP CLAUSE: Lessee agrees to bring Lessor swimming if (s)he is ever invited to Bill Gates’ house.
8. EMPATHY CLAUSE: Lessor agrees to do his best to at least once a day ask the Lessee how (s)he is doing even if the Lessor doesn’t care.
9. SWEATY NIGHT CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that the thermostat will be controlled by mutual consent. Turning thermostat to unreasonable highs and lows will be dealt with by freezing or sweating the offender out.
10. TELEVISION CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that should the hit television show Joss Weedon’s Firefly ever be resurrected, that the TV be reserved for viewing said hit television show. Also, lessees agree that television usage be scheduled around respective show times. If there is a conflict, and the back-up television is in use, television rights shall be decided by a game of rock, paper, scissors, lizard, spock.
11. CARPOOL CLAUSE: Lessee agrees to drive Lessor to work if Lessee and Lessor work in the same building.
12. SHOWER CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that the occupancy of the shower is deemed to be one, unless being attacked by water soluble aliens.
13. FRANCONI CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that Thursday night is Franconi’s Pizza night, should a Franconi’s Pizza ever open within delivery range.
14. TAKEOUT CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that selection of a new takeout restaurant requires a public hearing and a 60 day comment period.
15. COMMON AREA CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that the Lessee has the right to allocate 1/3 of the common areas.
16. SEATING CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that Lessor gets first choice of which seat shall be Lessor’s seat as determined but not limited to drafts, sunlight, comfort, viewing angle, and positioning within a social group.
17. PETS CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that pets are banned unless a deposit is agreed to under section 5 PETS, with the exception of service animals such as cybernetically-enhanced helper monkeys or glow in the dark gold fish.
18. HOOTENANNY CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that there will be no hootenannies, sing-alongs, or barbershop quartets after 10pm.
19. RAUCOUS CLAUSE: Lessee agrees to refrain from raucous laughter, clinking of glasses, and celebratory gunfire after 10pm.D
20. EMOCRATIC CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that all disputes between the Lessor and the Lessee will be voted upon by the two parties.
21. CONTROVERSIAL CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that all ties as a result from the DEMOCRATIC CLAUSE will be broken by the Lessor.
22. BIO CLAUSE: Lessee agrees to not stage biohazard drills after 10pm.
23. TUVAN CLAUSE: Lessee agrees to not attempt to master Tuvan Throat Singing.
24. PERCUSSION CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that they do not now nor do they intend to play percussive or brass instruments.
25. CELEBRATORY CLAUSE: Lessee agrees that, once a year on the anniversary of the signing of this document, Lessee and Lessor shall take one day to celebrate the contributions Lessee gives to Lessor’s life, both real and in Lessee’s mind. Lessee does NOT get breakfast in bed, to sit in Lessor’s spot, or to alter the thermostat. The only thing given to the Lessee is a card. This day shall be known as “[Lessee’s First Name at Birth]’s Day”.
26. COHABITATION CLAUSE: Lessee has agreed to sections 6 and 7. A boyfriend shall be deemed “living with” when he has stayed over for:
a. 7 consecutive nights
b. 9 nights in a 3 week period
c. weekends of a given month plus 3 weeknights

ARTICLE 1
A. You do not talk about fight club.
B. You do not talk about fight club!
C. The cake is a lie.
D. Roommates will do their best to maintain a minimum of a 1.0 KDR.
E. Macs are for hipsters.
F. Antique macs may be used to play the original version of Oregon Trail without ridicule.
G. There are 151 pokemon.

ARTICLE 2
A. No ‘chicken dancing’. No exceptions.
B. No periwinkle colored anything. Unless voted on by a jury of your peers.
C. If you or any of your guests fall asleep with footwear on, you are fair game.
D. Shotgun may only be called when the caller has a clear view of the vehicle.
E. Should a foul smell arise from the refrigerator, roommates will alternate in the choosing of which item the other will ‘sniff test’, until the culprit is identified. The first choice shall go to the Lessor. Good luck.

ARTICLE 4
A. Lessor may call for an emergency meeting.
B. The house’s flag is 2 gold pirates rampant on a sea of azure and should never fly upside down unless the apartment is in distress.
C. If possible, roommates will give each other (12) twelve hours’ notice of impending coitus.
D. Lessee must assist Lessor should Lessor ever become a robot.
E. When the Lessor does not shower first, any and all measures shall be taken to ensure an adequate supply of hot water
F. The right of bathroom privacy is suspended in the event of Force Majeure.
G. Number 1’s shall take precedent in a race to the bathroom over Number 2’s
a. Force Majeure is an exception to this rule.
H. If the Lessee invents time travel, the first stop has to aim exactly 5 seconds after this document was signed.

ARTICLE 5
A. Friendship Teirs
a. Tier 1 Friendship Request
i. Any and all requests the asker would feel comfortable asking of anyone. No reciprocation required.
b. Tier 2 Friendship Request
i. Any request that implies intimate knowledge of friend. Checking body parts for mutant bug bites, calling clingy boys to tell them the roommate is sick.
c. Tier 3 Friendship Request
i. Reserved for emergencies only. In a Tier 3 request situation, roommate may ask for anything. If bodies must be buried, roommate also agrees to provide reliable alibi, or, if available, a memory wipe.
ii. Tier 3 requests may only be made once a year, unless roommate waives this rule.

All those signing below agree to the above stated terms and conditions.
stitchhat

JIPHanukkah!

A  new holiday was invented today. JIPHanukkah - a new tradition from my crew! A Jewish Italian Pilgrim Celebration - five days of gifts from my wonderful friends. It's also a "JIP" because I only get 5 days of gifts instead of 8! :)

So, my first gift today was multicultural cookies! Oh yes, they say "Merry Christmas" and "Happy Hanukkah" and have a tree and menorah!
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